Maid Elizabeth and I picked up a book at the thrift store the other day with the express purpose of entertaining ourselves on the drive home. It was called the "Redneck Extreme Mobile Home Makeover" by Jeff Foxworthy. Maid Elizabeth read the jokes out loud to us (Master Hand Grenade, Miss Calamity, Princess Dragon Snack and Master Calvin were all enjoying the ride) as we made our way home from town. We were all laughing uproariously and then, the jokes started hitting a little too close to home. This is the sad state in which we find ourselves....
You Might Be A Redneck If....
- Your central heating system consists of leaving the oven door open.
- Your lawnmower says, Moo".
- Nothing in your refrigerator was purchased at a store.
- Your shotgun sees more action than your lawn mower.
- You've tightened a loose screw with your fingernail.
- You've ever hollered, "You kids quit playing on that sheet metal!".
- The curtains in your living room are camouflage.
- You have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
- Anything in your home is running off a forklift battery.
- You think "prime real estate" is the chair next to the wood cookstove.
- Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night requires shoes and a flashlight.
- Any of your wedding gifts came from an Army Navy store.
- You're saving up to gravel your driveway.
- Your lawn fertilizer was in your cow about five minutes earlier.
- You've ever had to have a wrecker pull your car out of a pothole in your driveway.
- You don't have electricity in every room of your house.
- You've ever heard "I told you it was loaded" while staring at a hole in your ceiling.
- Privacy in your bathroom means singing loudly.
- You've bandaged a wound with duct tape.
- You've ever moved furniture in a horse trailer.
- You use your bathroom plunger every day.
- You've ever been stuck in your own driveway.
- You stockpile pork and beans.
- Drying your clothes depends upon the weather.
Are we rednecks? I'll let you be the judge!